strength through love from above


Ice fog Monday morning.

School is officially back in session this week, not just a random Thursday class.

Kelsey comes this weekend!! It’s been nearly a year since we’ve actually seen each other!

I’ve posted it likely before and am not typically one to have constant song lyric blogs or statuses but Tenth Avenue North’s “Hold My Heart” is still fitting…

I want to feel Him closer to me in this moment. I want a sign, understanding, wisdom, peace, direction. I no longer want to stand at this crossroads, I want direction. I want to jump and get out of the boat. I am terrified. Both directions have terrifying futures but I’m not sure if that’s the scary part. The scary part might just be the things I have to leave behind whichever way I choose. Ever felt like this?

I have felt God moving within me more recently than in times past, but these last few days throughout my own busy-ness, that movement has been silenced. I work nearly 12 hours today at 2 different jobs.  I pray that that scheduled busy-ness does not become an escape from my life or a distraction from my life.  While focusing on things for 12 hours out of a day has not been helpful in itself, I just pray that, today, God will place the people/things/events in my life to reveal Himself to me. To reveal His love and His mercy, that He will give me the strength to get through this and I will get past my selfish stubbornness and just accept it. I pray for love and understanding. I pray that if liquid emotion is more of what is needed, then open the floodgates (again), just not at work.

I continue to pray for the Haitians.  A family from my home church, one of their greatest friend’s daughters was on a college trip and she and her best friend are the only 2 students still unaccounted for.  The group was together at the time of the quake and were in the capital, yet these 2 young girls are still unaccounted for. I pray for the elderly I have read stories about who are dying from lack of their medicine, water, food because relief crews are still having to dig out the road to get anywhere. I pray for peace in the midst of disaster for these people and I pray that those called and led to help out, will.  This is not a planet full of simply tiny countries, we are a collective people who are called to give and love one another when times of disaster strike, such as now.

Lord give me the strength to get through this day, not by mine alone, and show me your love and mercy and grace. Give me direction and, whatever happens, give me a peace. Life makes no sense right now, so please give me some clarity as to what the next step looks like.

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long ’til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I’m on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I’m on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I’ve been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there’s no other way, I’m done asking why.
I’m on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I’m on my knees, Father will You run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can’t see but I’ll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that’s all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You’re everything You say You are
Won’t You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

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