dancing while abiding and praying


school starts back tomorrow.

i pray that i won’t use it as a distraction from life as i have far too many times in the past.

school is a comfort to me. life has been school since i can remember, since i was 5. it was simply what i did 9 months out of the year. and tomorrow begins my final semester in that journey. i just simply pray that i see it as what it is, school, not life.

i pray that the other things going on in my life will not be ignored because of school. i pray that i won’t use it as an excuse not to deal with them. i pray that i won’t use work as that either.

i’m tired of hiding from things and being indecisive.

i was listening to a podcast from Passion yesterday, Ben Stuart’s podcast about making decisions in our lives and i was blown away. he went through the ways that we should make our decisions and the things to remember. while they were all important and critical, the one that stuck out to me most is that we need to “own our decisions”.  sometimes, Stuart said, God forces us to make decisions. he forces us to own up to the fact that we have free will and He will not always tell us what to do, we have to decide for ourselves. He will always be there no matter what decisions we make, but we have to make them. he may guide us or set things right in front of our faces, but in life, we make the decisions. and sometimes, God refuses to reveal His will. He refuses to tell us what his plan is or tell us “it’s none of your business right now”  because we need to make decisions on our own.

thats a hard one for me. if you know me well at all, you know this.

i pray that this semester, year, in the rest of my life, that i will constantly work on making decisions. making smart decisions, and owning them. not using excuses or cop outs. not praying that i get rejected from something so i don’t really have to decide. those are weak things. i refuse to be defined as weak.

i pray that i will not use school as a crutch or cop out. i pray that i will not let fear get in the way of getting plugged into life and meeting people. i pray that i will not settle for less than God has planned for me, that I will not let fear hold me back, that i won’t hold myself back, that I will remain strong in the fait, and take time to simply Be Still.  I thank Him for days without cell service. for teary drives at night. for friends who listen to me go around in circles. i pray that the circles will straighten out and come to a point, soon.

i pray that i will keep my gaze upward, that i will remember that my sole purpose here is to live for Him, with Him, and for His glory, everything else is just an overflow of that. until we have our minds set in this, we will always settle for a second class version of ourselves. i pray for the awakening to continue.  i pray for His hand and guidance. that i will focus on the precepts given to me and trust for the providences. that i will own decisions. that wise counsel and great friends locally will be provided to me, that i will get involved in a great group of Christian women soon.

i pray that i will look to you first before i panic when i come to unrevealed situations that don’t have clear answers. turn off the natural woman panic mode when things get a bit crazy in life.

Phillipians 4:6-7

6-7Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

i pray that i will constantly be in the word, not simply when i am in need or am down on life. i pray that it will be my life, my bread, my sustainment.

i pray that i will become more of a student of life and myself. that i will be more self aware, that i will use the things i know about myself for my advantages, not as weaknesses. weaknesses may simply be strengths in hiding or misused.

i pray that i will find myself in a flourishing community of believers seeking after God earnestly. that my talents and skills and gifts will be revealed through this and i will help others find theirs. that we will sharpen and mentor each other. i pray earnestly for this one. i’ve felt a disconnect from community lately, and Lord, I pray that you will reconnect me where you want me connected, wherever that may be.

continuing in going through my notes from Ben’s session @ Passion…

i pray that i will follow my heart. not money, not selfishness, not logic, not a person, not fear, but my heart and God. i pray that i will follow what you have revealed. i pray that i will find the place where the deep desires of my heart and the hunger in the world meet and i will rest there. i will run to there and rest there, with you. i pray deeply for that.

i don’t want to simply pray for what to do, i want to pray that i will be living in the place where the love i have received and continue to accept will become the place of my life. that each day i will be in that place. that each day i will realize He has called me beautiful and he has called me to dance with Him, on His feet.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

16-18Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

i pray that i will get closer to the vine, and abide in Him, that i will realize that the only one who can make me whole is the one who made me. the only one who can do all those things that make me feel whole is Him. He is the only one who should, i cannot depend on others to do that for me, i shouldn’t and until i stop, i may always be in more want.

i pray for simplicity and peace and joy.

hello spring semester 2010 🙂

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