i want a snow day from life

life is weird right now.
things could change drastically soon.
it feels as if i’m at the edge of the boat or cliff and i need to jump off
i’m just still discerning just what that jump looks like.
jumps can be many things….
we can jump off one cliff into a new environment completely full of new terrifying experiences as if we were jumping into a river that will carry us along the journey. the new journey will be nothing like the old and will likely look completely new and different than anything we ever expected or imagined. it might not even include any elements from the environment at the top of the cliff. exciting and exhilarating or terrifying and unnecessary?
we can jump off one cliff into an unexplored part of the same environment full of exploring once ignored or unseen areas of a canyon. the journey will be slightly familiar yet also newly exciting. some things will be the same, but many things will be new. things will build upon the parts of the canyon you already know. exciting? yes. comfortable? to an extent.
we can jump off a cliff with our eyes closed. some may call this exhilarating, i may call it stupid. because we’ll have no idea where or when we’ll land.
so yea, jumps can be many things. maybe i’m silly and ridiculous for analyzing the jump itself. to an adventurous spirit, it may even be laughable as if i’m standing at the edge of life and too afraid to do anything so i simply contemplate all my options.
maybe that is what’s happening.
to a careful spirit, it makes minor sense, but is way too complicated.
also probably true.
to me, it just is what it is and those are the options.
i don’t want to jump alone. i know God is in control, i just want Him to push me off and give me a peace about what kind of jump it will be.
is that silly?
is that asking too much?
is that not trusting?
is that expecting Him to explain His ways to me which He doesn’t have to do?
is that me being selfish or self centered instead of God-centered?
i don’t know. i don’t know the answer to any of these questions. i just want to know how i should jump. and i want to feel assured. i want to feel Him literally beside me in this. i want to BE who i was created to BE. not simply do something cool for him. we cannot figure out what we are to DO until we figure out who we ARE. (andy stanley).  life is a funny thing.
why can’t we all just be 5 again and have snow days from life?

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